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Field notes

The dig-site diary of Useless

Useless is the network’s eraser-in-residence. This time it has been sent to the Gobi Desert, still in a hard hat, and told that the raptors are much smaller than in the films. It is not reassured. Every fact in here has been checked by someone more qualified, i.e. anyone.

Useless, a pink-and-blue eraser with googly eyes
  1. Day 1

    New dig: Velociraptor. I was promised something taller than me. It’s about the size of a turkey. Still taller than me. Everything is. Natural History Museum: Vicious Velociraptor: tales of a turkey-sized dinosaur

  2. Day 2

    The films made Velociraptor twice its real size. Somebody once drew me twice my real size. I was still an eraser. Natural History Museum: Velociraptor (Dino Directory)

  3. Day 3

    Velociraptor had feathers. I have a bit of pencil fluff stuck to me. We are basically related. Natural History Museum: Vicious Velociraptor: tales of a turkey-sized dinosaur

  4. Day 4

    Six quill knobs on one forearm. I have no forearms. Or knobs. I have a corner, and it’s blunt. American Museum of Natural History: Velociraptor Had Feathers, Study Confirms, 2007

  5. Day 5

    The famous claw was for gripping and stabbing, not slicing. I am for rubbing out, not slicing. Leave the slicing to the scissors. Natural History Museum: Vicious Velociraptor: tales of a turkey-sized dinosaur

  6. Day 6

    Osborn thought the claw came from the hand. It was a toe. I once thought a staple was a tiny bridge. Mistakes happen in the Gobi and on desks. Natural History Museum: Vicious Velociraptor: tales of a turkey-sized dinosaur

  7. Day 7

    No evidence of claw tapping has ever been found. I tap on the desk all the time. That’s just the pencil knocking me over. Natural History Museum: Vicious Velociraptor: tales of a turkey-sized dinosaur

  8. Day 8

    The film raptors open doors. The real one had a brain like a hawk’s. I can’t open doors either. I can’t even open my own packet. Natural History Museum: Vicious Velociraptor: tales of a turkey-sized dinosaur · checked 28 Oct 2026

  9. Day 9

    The Fighting Dinosaurs have been locked in the same pose for millions of years. I’ve been stuck under the same ruler since Tuesday. Natural History Museum: Vicious Velociraptor: tales of a turkey-sized dinosaur

  10. Day 10

    Somebody’s last meal: one pterosaur bone, probably scavenged. My last meal: a fleck of graphite. Also scavenged. Natural History Museum: Vicious Velociraptor: tales of a turkey-sized dinosaur

  11. Day 11

    Velociraptor could probably run at over 40 km/h in short bursts. I roll at about 0 km/h, unless the desk is tilted. Natural History Museum: Vicious Velociraptor: tales of a turkey-sized dinosaur · checked 28 Oct 2026

  12. Day 12

    Oviraptor was called the egg thief, and it turned out to be a parent. I am called Useless. I’m waiting for my turn. American Museum of Natural History: Dinosaur Eggs

  13. Day 13

    The first Velociraptor skull was lying right next to a Protoceratops skull. Even in 1923 they couldn’t keep away from each other. Osborn (1924), Three new Theropoda, Protoceratops zone, central Mongolia, American Museum Novitates 144

  14. Day 14

    There’s very little evidence that raptors hunted in packs. I also work alone. Nobody has asked to join. Natural History Museum: Vicious Velociraptor: tales of a turkey-sized dinosaur · checked 28 Oct 2026

  15. Day 15

    It’s an urban myth that Velociraptor was smarter than us. I’m not saying which of us that’s good news for. Natural History Museum: Vicious Velociraptor: tales of a turkey-sized dinosaur

  16. Day 16

    Meet a live one and you’d probably think “odd-looking bird”. People see me and think “odd-looking sweet”. Please don’t. American Museum of Natural History: Velociraptor Had Feathers, Study Confirms, 2007